sept 17

i still have so many stories i haven't written about rwanda...but i am having so much trouble getting them out of my head.
in the meantime i have started some new projects...i am very excited about and will be updating about shortly.

more about the week

one of the classes hadn't gotten to play bowling yet...so the p3 and p4 classes had an hour plus of bowling and craziness. i really am still surprised how much they loved the bowling game.

on thursday at EDD i worked on directions with the p1 and p2 classes...luckily Alphonsine (the p1 teacher) was in my class today because the boys were not understanding me at all. i think at this point too my teaching skills were at a minimum because all i wanted to do is play and spend time doing fun stuff with the boys. plus throughout the trip i didn't have much confidence in my teaching skills. i much preferred to do crafts and teach games and take pics with them because that is when i saw them the most happy. BUT i was so excited for the staff 2 class because i was going to have them draw recipes of how to make different rwanda dishes and explain to me...but only 3 staff showed up so i learned how to make a sauce, beans and omelette...none of which i really remember other than the beans take at least 4 hours everyday! yes, everyday!!!

Friday the 28th was a very lazy day at EDD...it ended up being a full picture day. for every class i took pics and for the staff class i took pics of the staff and we had so much fun. the staff posed and primped for every pic and the p1 and p2 classes came out and posed with their teachers. it was a bitter sweet day because as i took pics and posed for pics it was really sinking in that this was my last full day at the orphanage. i teared up quite a bit and perfected my nda kookoonda (i love you in kinyarwandan). and i also realized that my life has been changed because of the experience these wonderful people have given me. I stayed late that day to spend more time with all of them and I went to Josiann and Roses house after work. They live in a house that is on the campus of EDD. The house was lovely and Rose had made me Rwandan peanuts, tea and an omelette...it was all delicious.
Josiann showed me the few pics she has of her cousins and uncle and told me her story of surviving the genocide. Josiann is one of the women I have met in my life who has an absolutely pure heart. she truely wants the absolute best for everyone and understands how to make each person feel special and loved. she lost her entire immediate family in the genocide but still was able to triumph over all she has been through. she has finished university studies and does an amazing job at a job she loves. she loves being with the kids and it shows every minute with her interactions with the boys and the staff. they all love and respect her so much. she took care of me like a big sister even though she is much younger than me and she would consistently teach me new things about the center, the boys and rwanda. i am so appreciative of her. and i am so humbled by her as well. as a gift to remember her by she gave me the jewelery she had worn for her university graduation. i have never felt so honored or loved by a friend in my life. i cried but tried to stay strong because her and rose both giggled at me for being so touched. it is a normal thing to give but it isn't normal for me to be given such meaningful and priceless gifts. their friendship was enough for me but her jewelery is something i will absolutely cherish for the rest of my life and hopefully pass on to someone who will find it just as important and priceless.
i ended up leaving josiann's house pretty late on friday and she, rose and josiann's cousin all walked me down to the road to get a moto...josiann was going to a going away party for one of the 2 people she had survived the genocide with. her friends little brother was going back to school in europe the next morning.
on my moto back to the guest house it was pitch black out and i was very sad. i looked out into the countryside lights and it was actually a chilly night and told myself over and over that i am the luckiest person in the world to have been able to visti rwanda and to have met hte people at EDD.

wed the 26th

some of the boys were disappointed that they were not able to have penpals. so on tuesday night i decided to have the rest of the boys write thank you letters to the people who helped me with donations. and they loved it! stickers were a huge hit and every one of them took pride and special attention to the letter they wrote. they are so willing to share and show appreciation that it is so humbling and such an honor to witness it. they asked so many questions about who helped donate, the ages, marriage status, about their children, so many questions. i have letters to send to all of you and share with you that helped all of us so much.

tuesday 25th

today was the day i found out which of the boys stole my money. it has been over a week now and i am still so hurt by the whole thing. the boy and i have made up and all is forgiven but i am sad that it changed the dynamics of the rest of my days with him.
this was the same day that claire called me at the last minute to distribute some more of the donations i had brought. we went to gahanga where i was orginally supposed to be placed at. the drive was lovely but pretty far from the city. i met a couple of the teachers and they raved about suzi and lisa the previous volunteers fva had placed with them. it is a beautiful campus there and the children were so excited to see another muzungo on the campus.
i went back to work after dropping off the donations. that afternoon the 12 boys picked to be penpals were writing their letters. i had chosen with the approval of the EDD staff 12 boys to correspond with 12 us kids. i had 11 us girls and 1 us boy. only 2 of the rwandan boys wanted a boy so i had abraham and mj choose a number between 1-10 and abraham was closest so he got the boy. all the rest wanted girls and seemed to fall in love instantly with each of their letters. i tried to match it up by age wise but most of the rwandan boys chosen were 13-16 and most if not all the US girl were 7-14. the boys took forever to write their letters. they were so serious about what to say and how their writing looked and sounded. they each decoreated their letters with stickers and some added gifts ( a leaf off the tree outside the classroom door, one added a balloon, and one added a pipe cleaner ring he had made). i would say 1/2 of the letters were more appropriate than others by US standards and the other 1/2 i will need to include explanations regarding rwandans being very open and loving toward everyone. there were some "me and you forever" " i love you always and forever" "i want you" type writings in the letters that could possibly be misconstrude...but it is all innocent and from extremely grateful hearts of these boys. i am very excited to see how many of them keep in touch. and i would like to get more of the boys involved and hopefully will be able to find a classroom here in the states to get involved with the boys there. at the end of the writing extravaganza....mj sat down next to me and asked me if i knew his penpal personally. i explained i had met her and thought she was lovely and he replied with one of his huge smiles and a sigh " i love her so much already" it was one of the most rewarding statements i heard the whole time in rwanda. it still makes me smile so hard to hear him say it in my head. i am proud and happy for all the boys at the center but those 12 boys i am a bit extra proud of for the hard work they put into their letters and the genuine care and joy they got out of writing.

funny story

at lunch on monday aug 24 noel had said to me "hey heather i like your underpants". i wasnt sure i heard what i thought i heard so i just sort of smiled and stared at him and he said it again...and he was on the other end of the table so everyone was listening...i could feel my face get hot and red and still i didn't really say anything. so he started to explain that because in rwanda few people where pants or skirts that show their knees or above. i had capris on that when i sat down they showed my knees....he meant to say he liked my shorter pants not my underpants so i explained the difference between under and short in terms of clothing. it was quite funny and something i ended up teasing him about the rest of my time in rwanda.
on monday the 24th i also decided to teach the kids and staff about bowling. i filled empty water bottles with some rocks and got one of the homemade garbage bag footballs from the boys. it was a huge huge hit. they all absolutely loved it. even the staff had a great time and got really competitive with it.
i told the staff at lunch about the penpal letters i had from the kids in the US and they wanted to have penpals too. so all the staff gave me their emails and info on what type of american penpal they would prefer. i am pretty excited to get them all matched up with one or more people in the states. i felt bad because i didn't think of asking the staff prior to that and i think they were hurt at first that they had to bring it to my attention. ends up they are so excited about it and couldn't stop talking about it the whole week. on friday the 28th i spend over an hour with the staff posing and taking pics for them for their penpals. it was really fun! and they loved getting their pics taken and figuring out tons of new poses.

jumbled

since the internet was basically down for over a week i have lots to still write about...i made notes so i would remember all the things to write about but my time table is a bit jumbles so these stories may be out of order....

stephanie left on wed the 26th her and i went out to chez londo for drinks that night to say our see you laters and such. we saw the icky old white men at the place but they didn't have their local prostitutes with them instead they were sharing pics of women from around the world on one of their laptops...nasty! i realize there are gross people in the world but to literally sit in the middle of a restaurant/bar and share pics like that for anyone to see is sick. those are the kind of people the world does not need!!!

earlier that day i had taken a motorbike to work and i swear the guy tried to kill me....he wanted 1500fr for a ride to the orphanage. normally i pay 700 to 800 and i told him no thanks and started to walk away...he agreed to 800 and then proceeded to kill me on the way to work. he talked on his phone, he fixed his shoes, he fixed his pants, he jumped the slowbumps in the road, he sped faster than any of the bikes i had been on thus far...but i stayed cool and did not panic...it some weird way it was fun that i survived the ride. as i walked the last bit of the way to work i wondered if that was a small inkling of what the rwandans felt like...things are out of your control so you just try to survive...i know my motorbike situation is nothing near what they went through but my point is at what point does someone in a life or death struggle turn off their senses in order to survive? does time stand still or does it move in ways most of us could not even imagine? do you conciously turn off your thinking or does your brain take over to protect you? i know there is lots of research out there on so many different subjects regarding all this but i really can't seem to believe this is a natural pattern that anyone would be able to figure out and write a thesis on and find answers.
most of us don't even like the sight of blood and to try to imagine finding your own family members chopped with a machete or raped and left for dead ...i just don't know how to find words.

...on sunday aug 23 stephanie made sugar cookies with the guest house staff...it was really fun to watch...i doubt any of them had made sugar cookies before and they seemed to enjoy themselves quite a bit. and they liked them so much i think most if not all were gone by the end of the day. after stephanie and i walked over to kimironko market. i needed to get some fabric for some bags i had made. i meant to buy for 2 and walked out with 4. some of the fabric there is so beautiful and i couldn't resist...it is basically $4us for a sheet of fabric. we got back to the house ate some lunch and i took stephanie to the orphanage to play with the boys...our plan was to bowl, maybe play baseball, have some 3 legged and wheelbarrel racing but much to our surprise...when we got there the boys were in cleaning mode. they had volunteers coming from south korea...an entire busload of neon yellow vest wearing south koreans. the afternoon was an ablsolute blasgt. AND the boys danced inturo traditional dancing and drumming as well as the koreans drummed, danced and tae kwon doeded (i know that is not a word).
the best part of the day for me was one of the erics wrote on his balloon that he loved me and thanked me for being there and it still makes me tear up thinking about it. i will keep that balloon forever! i also tried to beat box for the boys and i was horrible as expected but they all thought it was hilarious that i got up to try to do it.
i think being there that day was a turning point with me and some of the boys as i hadn't gotten as close to. i really felt that so many boys came around and really let me into their lives that day. and now in retrospect of that day i know it really was a meaningful day to quite a few of them.

story 2 of the last week

yesterday javid, danny and i tagged along with george to the volcanoes. george was doing the gorilla trek and we were going to do the dian fossey and gorilla graveyard trek...but when we got there we found the prices had changed quite a bit. so javid, danny and i decided to hike around the villages while we waited for george. it turned out to be a fabulous time. we hadn't even walked 10 minutes when we had a set of 4 kids following us and talking with us. one of the boys spoke english quite well and translated what the others were saying. one of the boys was so clever he had a strip of film negatives as sunglasses. he had a string tied to each end and then tied around his head...the boys followed us for a bit and told us of their school and football. then some older boys came and asked us a lot of questions and pointed different areas of the village and surroundings out to us and then asked us if they wanted them to show us around. it was fabulous. they took us to the edge of the mountains through diffrent farms through the village and all over. the views were absolutely spectacular. and the weather was perfect. as we trekked all over we were met by lots and lots of kids and goats, cows and sheep. there were a few young young kids that were terrified of us...especially danny because i assuming because he is the whitest of all of us...so we caused some heavy screaming and crying and even a couple kids to run away in terror. we also met adults who were so friendly and excited when we spoke kinyarwandan to them. the most bizarre experience was danny or javid had taken a picture toward the mtn area and then we heard outrageous screaming from some women...she started toward us and when she met us she started dancing and yelling and singing and it was quite initmidating to say the least. the boys we were with explained she wanted money for a picture and we think she was dancing and such to give us a type of action shot or something...she even got down on all fours and was dancing and it was quite akward. danny was the only one who had change so he gave it to her and we moved on...we were told by one of the boys that her and her family were pygmies but i am not sure if we understood correctly because they were not small. anyways, so after that we were a bit nervous to take any photos and it was funny to watch us look around and be cautious of who may be watching when before we didn't have a care in the world. at the end of the trek the boys brought us to their village and we met one of the boys little brothers and his little sister...so cute...we stopped at one of the drinking holes ( a tiny room) which sold sodas, beer and cigarettes and that was it...we had a fanta and as we sat down goerge texted us that she was on her way back so everything worked out perfectly that day. george had an amazing time gorilla trekking and her pics were unbelievable...she saw a family of 7 gorillas and one was a baby. at one point they were about a meter away from one of the males and she said it was incredible. i definitely will be doing the trek next time i am here. i was going to do it this trip but decided i need to save some to do stuff for next time :)
on the way home from the mtns we all fell asleep in the car...we were all so tired. we got back and ate and napped. danny left to go back to the eastern provence where he works during the week. in the evening we went for dinner at flamingos the local chinese restaurant and had a great time. we took motorbikes and they decided to race to the restaurant andit was a bit crazy but at this point i am pretty much adapted to the crazy motorbike driving and like it in a weird crazy adrenaline sort of way..

story 1 of the last week

i am sorry it has been so long since i have posted...the internet has been out for over a week. i have lots to update you all on and i don't know where to start.
i have finished my assignment here and i am incredibly sad. today i will be going to the orphanage for a goodbye party in my honor. i am expecting it to be bitter sweet. i have really fallen in love with the my boys and i will miss them so much. i am learning a little bit of what it must be like to be a parent and this letting go part is breaking my heart.
i have had quite a few experiences in the last week. the most emotional was at the orphanage. last monday i had some money stolen out of my bag at the orphanage. i figured it out in the afternoon so knew at some point in the morning one or more of the boys must have gotten into my bag but i didn't want to let the staff know because punishment there is a beating. i decided to fib which wasn't a good choice either but i didn't want any of the boys to get into trouble...i said i must have dropped the money somewhere at the center and if they heard anything to let me know. welll noel the night staffer sat the boys down for a very long time and lectured them regarding stealing and for the boy that stole the money to come forward and how could they still from their friend heather and it just sounded very stressful...on tuesday morning one of the boys came forward and said he had taken the money out of my bag because he wanted to buy a piece of candy. i didn't so much have an issue with the stealing as i did with what happened to the boy...he was brought in front of all the children and the staff that were present and made an example of...he was beaten...and i still do not understand what is meant by beating here. i get different stories from different people. kids can be hit and threatened with sticks or switches and they are punished in front of their peers. but i don't think that beating has the same definition here as it does to me in the US. i think beating here is more similar to spanking or hitting. either way i am not an advocate for physical pain as punishment. but that wasn't the worst of it. tuesday was my most difficult day here and i have struggled quite a bit since. the boy who stole my money was one of my favorites. i decided not to share his name because i don't want anyone reading this to judge him or think differently of him...to find out it was him really broke my spirit. i am not supporting him in stealing but at the same time i understand why he did it. and he is a child and so many children have stolen before. after the staff had told my what happened the boys were just arriving back from school and i walked out to talk to a different boy and all the boys swarmed around me and pointed at and kept saying thief to the boy. he came up and stood next to me and only made eye contact with me for a split second but i saw the pain in his eyes. i told the boys to stop pointing and yelling but most didn't understand or want to stop and i told the boy that i would talk to him later because at that time i was too hurt. his eyes started to fill up with tears and i felt so badly that i wasn't ready to talk to him right then. i spoke to a couple of the other boys regarding what happened and took what they had to say into consideration before i spoke to the boy. most of the other boys were scared that i would not like any of them any more because one boy did something bad. they were sad and worried that i would not want to be their friends and that i would not love them anymore. it is amazing to me that consequences matter here. yes the boys do things they are not suppose to and they make mistakes but the consequences really do matter.
so i spoke to the boy later that day and i think it was harder for me than for him. my heart hurt so much watching and listening to him tell me what happened and how sorry he was. he ended up apologizing to me everyday this week and i saw everyday he felt a bit less ashamed and everyday the boys were a little bit less harsh with him. he made a promise to me and the staff that he would not steal again. and one of the craziest parts is this boy has never been in trouble at the center he is consider one of the best kids there. it was a disappointing situation for so many at the center but i really think he learned from it. of course i wish it never happened but it taught me quite a bit too. i knew i loved these boys but it showed me how much i care about them and how invested i have become in their well beings. and know i am crying sitting here because i am going to miss them all so very much.

this week

yesterday i headed to gisenyi at 530am. we almost missed the bus but thanks to our stunt man driver we stopped the bus at its second stop. when i say stop the bus i mean he drove into the opposite lane and cut off the bus driver-just like on tv. gisenyi is on the west side of rwanda where the volcanoes are located. it is also near the congo border and it is south of where the famous mountain gorillas live. it is a 3hour drive from kigali and the drive is absolutely beautiful. i have been to a few places around the world and i think this has taken over the most beautiful area for me. it was cloudy yesterday but we could still see so much greenery and the hills and valleys are amazing. we could see the volocanos and the mtn and it was surrounded in clouds with just the crater tops sticking out of the clouds...i wasn't able to get any pictures but i am hoping javid or vanessa did. the ride up was sort of emotional for me. there were tons of people walking on the sides of the roads and walking up and down these hills which are the equivalent of a black diamond run at a ski resort. they walk these hills everyday to fetch water or food or anything they may need it is absolutely insane. there were even women walking with 5-7 2x4x10 wood boards on their heads. i can't even carry 2 without having to stop every 10 minutes and these women and children had them on their heads. and the women had babies strapped to their backs...the bus driver on the way there was playing wonder rwandan gospel/inspirational type music. i could pick out words here and there but the voices were beautiful and it made for an emotional goose bumpy ride while watching all the scenery and driving through the hills and mtns. another crazy part of the ride was the pot holes. growing up in mn i thought i knew what potholes were but nope in rwanda they have POTHOLES. and the buses, trucks and semis (yes semi trucks) weave in and out of the roads at 40km per hour. the roads are narrow as it is and there is a drop off on one side but they drive the bus right to the edge or on the wrong side and weave in and out of oncoming traffic. the driving here is really something to appreciate in a weird way. at first it is life and death scary but now i have come to appreciate their skills. i have only seen 3 accidents in almost a month which is a great record considering how they drive here.
once we arrived in gisenyi (myself, vanessa, javid and patty) we were met by our guide and at the moment her name escapes me...conchella i think. we walked to the outdoor market which is very similar to the one here in kigali but bigger and we were able to take some pics. i felt akward taking pics in there so i didn't take many. but hopefully it will at least give you the jist of what the markets are like. the weather was still overcast but temp was comfortable for walking. we then headed to the main border between congo and rwanda. it was a beautiful walk along the lake kivu lake. the housing and resorts along the lake are lovely. there was a huge tree cut down in the road that we had to navigate over and under to get through. the main border was nothing of what i expected. we were not able to take pictures there. but it was clean and quiet. it was basically a dirt road with a guard shack on the left side with a red and white gate arm for vehicles. people crossing by foot walked around the backside of the guard shack and onto the congo immigration office which was maybe 50 feet away. it did look dirtier and more rundown on the congo side but there were also huge beautiful resorts on the lake side. we then drove to the small border of congo and rwanda and that is where i think i have felt the most initimidated here. the dirt road that leads to the small border has quite a few wood furniture shops and men sitting or standing outside making chairs beds, cabinets, etc. then we reach the small border and there are so many people. we get out of the car and it is a mob scene of people wanting to sell stuff. i find some kids and smile at them and they stop for pics. i show them the pics of themselves and they are so incredibly delighted but then i was surrounded by what seemed to 50 people wanting to take a pic with me so i could show them...and not just kids adults were wanting pics which is very rare. the small border is much dirtier and is a smaller red/white gate arm with no guard shack. the gate arm is located on the dirt road and there are no fences to the right or left of it so it is odd to see this gate arm with no other fencing. as we leave we have our windows open and we drive very slow because the dirt road is so bumby and washed away and a little boy maybe 2 years old or so sitting on an old track of some kind waves at us and says bon jour...it was the cutest thing ever. i am a huge sucker for kids that speak french.
the trip continues and we visit tom tom beach and the main beach of gisenyi both beautiful. at tom tom we get to see a babtism of adults. it was great. they sang and danced and sat and swam in the water with white robes on ...beautiful. at the bigger beach there were lots of kids swimming. and yes black people do get their hair wet. there were also tons of huge bats hanging in the trees around the beach...pretty cool. we also drove up the coast line to a resort called pardis motej and it was the most gorgeous place i have seen here...the restaurant floor is made of black sand, the furniture of local bamboo, the landscaping is full of flowers, and the view is relaxing. the little villas are adorable and when i come again i am going to stay there! we weren'
t able to see the mtns while in gisenyi because it was too overcast but i am ok that i saw them on the way up. i sat on the opposite side of the bus going home with the intent of taking pics out hte window of the view but the bus was so packed going to kigali that it was too difficult to take pics. and the ride home was odd. first we had to stop because a gentlemen had a bag of something so stinky. it was rotten fish or rotten meat or something horrid and the bus driver pulled over and put it underneath the bus but the bus smelled the whole ride. we then had to stop one time to check a tire because he hit a pot hole too hard. all the people on the bus where having conversations about us because we could here muzungo everyother word or so. oh and we stopped for a food pick up...which was cool because there was a wedding right there too. at one point we stopped in a place where there was a stand on the side of the road selling banana beer and one lady bought one and the vendor had to run along side the bus to get his money because the lady was taking to long getting her money out of her purse. the trip was well worth the 36us dollars it cost. oh and we hung out at lake kivu serene resort beach for awhile and that resort was gorgeous too. i highly recommend everyone visiting gisenyi area at some point in their lives.
we got home to a wonderful new dinner meal which was mashed potatoes made into these little cake type things with wonderful spices it made me like potatos again...delicious!
one of the babies we saw had strawberry blonde hair and one of the stops on the way back to kigali we saw an albino child. descriptions none of us were expecting to see here in rwanda.
i had also brought tons of stickers to give out to kids but there were so many kids around all the time it was difficult to hand them out so before i left i gave them to javid to hand out. he stayed the night in gisenyi in order to go to congo this morning. vanessa gave out candy which was a huge hit. i wish i had taken pics of the kids first trying the candies but i was always too slow.
the week with my boys was wonderful as always. on friday i taught them how to make friendship bracelets and some were better than other but they all enjoyed it so much that they want to do more. quite a few of the boys are now holding my hand or leaning on me or hugging me or showing some sort of affection to me. it makes me so happy that most of them are now so comfortable with me but i am also struggling with how said it is going to be to leave next week. these boys are the children i never got to have and i love them. and now i am sitting here crying because i really do not want to leave them. i know i will keep in touch with the older ones who have email and they will keep me updated on themselves and the other and i know the new volunteer coming in is here for 3 months and she will be wonderful to my boys and they will become her boys too but still i am having such a toronado of emotions :(
but i am going to see the boys today and teach them baseball, make bracelets and dance. i am going to spend as much extra time as i can with them this week and this up coming weekend.

half way

today i went with stephanie to visit her kids in the morning. her kids are street kids who have parents affected by gender violence. none of her kids speak english and the oldest was 11. they were all wonderful. so cute and very artistic. one of the girls played drums and she was amazing. all the kids sang different songs for us. we taught them hokie pokie and they loved it.
in my p2 class i decided to translate a short story written by a rwandan boy with aids. i am writing the story in kinyarwanda on the blackboard and having the kids translate it...it is the most attentive they have all been at one time. they love it. my staff 1 class has been coming to class all week. there are 4 men in the class (along with kenny and emmanuel who are students) and they are really eager to learn and know a lot more than i thought they did. in staff 2 class we talked about sports...i taught them the names and rules for volleyball and basketball. i am trying to get the staff 2 class to talk more but it isn't working as well as i thought. the next class i am going to have them describe how to make different food dishes. this morning we had omelets for breakfast and stephanie and i were so excited. it is only the 2nd time we have had omelets for breakfast (usually it is some sort of bread and tea and maybe fruit) and this time we asked for no salt so they were extra delicious. i am not a huge egg fan but i am sure a fan of eggs in rwanda.
since i was with stephanie today i got to decide on my own lunch and i had 4 samosas and an orange fanta...and some pringles. the samosas here are really good. so my addiction for the week is samosas and orange fanta which i would never want if i was in the states. but when i travel it seems to become a staple of my day.
the new volunteers seem to be settling in ok. theyare very nice and diving into all rwanda has to offer.we all went for italian the other night and it was fabulous. and one the way home we saw a dog-maybe a st bernard/shepard mix and it was the 1st dog we had seen as a pet. the dad was very proud of him. i miss hobee and diogie :(
a few funny stories...yesterday i wore a pair of pants one of the previous volunteers had left behind. when i put them on in the morning they seemed to fit fine. throughout the day they seemed to stretch in the waste and at one point when i was reaching up to write on the board i felt them falling. i quickly grabbed the waist band and changed my plan to having the kids write on the board instead of me. then this morning as stephanie's kids were saying goodbye and hugging me and literally hanging and sliding down my body one grabbed onto my pants and my pants started to slide down with her. i grabbed on for life and she finally let go of my pants.
the weather has changed to cool. since the rainstorm it has been breezy and lower temps. i love it! i don't pour sweat on the squished taxis anymore. i have also been taking motorbikes to work this week and it has been so nice in the mornings. i take the taxi home still and yesterday the bus fare guy asked me to marry him...this was told to me by the english speaking women in the back. the entire bus was involved and laughing as she explained that he wanted me to marry him because his dream was to have a muzungo (white person) marry him and make him rich. i declined with a smile and the bus laughed hysterically. this back and forth chatter went on until i got off the bus at my destination. i felt very silly knowing everyone was talking about me and making fun but at the same time it was quite funny. i believe that is the 3rd or 4th marriage purposal since i had arrived here.
i got the house employees chocolate bars today. they were all very excited. innocent said "i love you" that is the most he has said to me since i got here. he speaks very little english and mostly just smiles and waves. i feel pretty good that they will all enjoy their chocolate.
i only have 2 weeks left here and i am feeling sad. i really don't want to leave and wish i had come for a longer time. this country is amazing and it will only get better as they continue to develop and grow. i will definitely come back again. i would love to come back as an employee for a year or 2 but work opportunities here are very slim. for now i will continue to educate others and campaign to raise donations and funding for the boys at the orphanage. the boys really need english books, dictionaries, dvds with english movies and letters of encouragement so they know there are people out there that care about them. i am going to look into joining a classroom back in the states to write to the boys.
i hope the things i am learning here stay with me. i have been influenced by so many things and so many people here and i hope that the day to day u.s. life doesn't overpower all those things.

greatest day so far

i had such a fabulous day today at the orphanage. one of the new volunteers, Patty, brought 5 burned hip hop cds for me to give to the boys. and they were so over the top excited. i gave them to the minister of sports and parties (explain this some other time) at lunch time and could hardly wait til the end of the day to play them. finally at 4pm the boys were able to break out the cd player and we listened and danced for 2 hours. the boys danced more than i did. i think for the next 2 weeks i will be staying late to hang out and dance with them. i took pics and video and because i am a total moron i accidentally deleted the videos. i am upset and will no longer press delete on anything any more.

on saturday we went to the butare area to see the memorial with the preserved bodies. i am having trouble with understanding my feelings and what i think of the experience. the 2 hour ride to get there was so beautiful that it is hard to accept that the outcome would be so horrific. the motorbike ride on the dirt road leading to memorial was especially beautiful. and for the few minutes it took to get there i almost forgot the purpose. as you ride up to the memorial it is the only thing at the end of the road and it just appears. the new building built in front of the old buildings is so huge that it almost feels intimidating to continue forward. coming here i thought that would be the most educational and the most informative memorial but i was wrong. i knew all the memorials would be disturbing and hard to see but this one was difficult on very different levels than the others. i guess i expected the bodies to be more real. i am not sure how to explain it but i thought the bodies would make me weak, scared, sad...but it was the smell of the lye. although there is nothing to equate the smell of lye to death. when that first door was opened and the smell of lye hit my nose my stomach dropped and my eyes teared up and i felt sick because of the smell and not the sight. we were allowed to take pictures but it was such a horrible guilty sick feeling to take pictures. i did but stopped because the guilt and confusion i was feeling was too much. i took pictures of the scenery of the hills and the outside of the buildings instead. i have decided not to post the pics of the bodies because it feels so wrong to do so...i understand that they have created this memorial to educate and to remember but at the same time it is so difficult to understand. looking at the bodies i saw the carcass as a person. children with their clothes still on their bodies. facial expressions of pain, fingers and toes in various positions where you could almost feel the pain. mothers with their child still attached to them. an entire rooms just of dead children. some still had their hair. and to think that i felt sick from the smell of lye and to only imagine what the survivors went through to move the 5000 bodies from the mass grave. the smell the sight the confusion and the pain. what hit me most about the memorial was they preserved the mass grave. they left it as it was when they dug the bodies out. thousands of dead bodies dumped into an enormous hole. a hole which was dug by hand and it was the size of a bus...

more later

big day

we had a big day today and i am so tired. we got up early to head to butare to visit the memorial near there. it was a 2 hour bus ride and the view was absolutely amazing. rwanda is gorgeous!!! i am not ready to talk about what i saw today at the memorial. i don't think it has sunken in. i do know i feel sad and ashamed because of my morbid curiousity. i know they have created these memorials in the hopes to educate and remember but to hear the stories straight from a survivor and to see the skeletons and preserved bodies of so many people... it is overwhelming.

yesterday was a much more fun day...i tried to teach the boys how to play baseball. i really thought it would be easy to teach them but oh my it wasn't. i had to make the bases out of cardboard box sides. i tried to demonstrate how to pitch and how to hit and they got that part. but when it came to running the bases and the outs...it went a bit crazy. there were boys running past each other and runners catching their team mates hits and outfielders standing in the running lines of the bases...i am going to try again on monday. it was pretty hot yesterday probably the hottest day so far. but we had a huge angry rainstorm last night it was wonderful! and the temperature dropped and it is so comfortable outside. it is weird to have rain now since it is their dry season but i think most welcome the rain here.
i also tried to teach one of the classes old macdonald and it was hilarious. one because i can not sing and two the kids didn't get the melody or any of it. but we laughed for almost the entire class and they kept trying so hard even though i was not making it understandable to them.

tonight we are going out for drinks after dinner to the neighbor hotel. after today i am pretty excited to have a drink or two. and i realized my 20 year reunion was last night....i hope it went well and i can't wait to see everyone's pics and hear the stories. i have really lost track of time here.

kenya airlines is on strike so one of the new volunteers is stuck at the nairobi airport. and another new volunteer finally made it in last night but her luggage did not. karen is suppose to leave tonight but there are no kenya airline planes flying to or from kigali until we don't know when.

on the way home from butare today there was a little boy on the bus. when we stopped i gave him a pack of stickers and he was soooo happy. the children here are so beautiful and i love it! i don't think he knew what they were or what to do with them but he seemed to think it was so great that some weird looking stranger gave him something. i still am having trouble comprehending how appreciative rwandans are about everything. it is really amazing.

2nd week

the week has been good. i forget what i have done because the days are so busy. last night my boys had a going away party for abby. they danced and sang (sort of) and it was really fun. during the day the orphanage had visitors from the netherlands and the boys did a traditional dance and drumming...it was really cool! i was so excited i got to see it. they then played football (soccer) with the visitors and of course my boys won. today i gave my boys the shoes and some of the other donations and they were really happy about it all. the rest of the donations will be split between some other organizations that really need it. i met another survivor this week. and it has become difficult for me to share the stories on the blog because i consider the people i am meeting here friends. the short story of his is her lost his entire family in the genocide. he was around 8 years old. he has done so well with himself and is so caring to others that i feel blessed to know him. plus his laugh makes me crack up. i love hearing him laugh.
tonight is abby's last night so we will be going to salsa tonight( yes salsa dancing in rwanda). we will be getting new volunteers over the weekend so stephanie and i are now the resident experts on rwanda.
i had a rough day with my boys today... i ended up kicking some out of class because they were just too rowdy. i think they are comfortable with me now so they feel more comfortable testing the limits.
oh and tomorrow i will teach them how to play baseball. i gave them the ball and bat today and they had no idea what to do. i had to show them that you hit the ball with the bat. i am pretty excited to play tomorrow. it should be hilarious with me trying to explain it to them.

yesterday i took over 200 pic of the boys and i showed most of them the pics today. they get so crazy excited at seeing pics of themselves. next week i will give the boys my little camera for the week and let them take pics. should be interesting what they come up with.

last night watching the boys dance and organize a going away party..i get so emotional and feel so happy for them. they love having visitors and really love anyone that comes into their center. they amaze me everyday because they have such positive and loving attitudes. the conditions they live in are better than on the street but they aren't standards any one of us would consider acceptable. but the boys do great. today i hung out by one of the doorways and just watched the boys for about 10 minutes and i can't get over how they work together so well. they do what they need to and just get it done without complaining. i have not heard one boy complain ever.

it still warms my heart to see how affectionate people are here. i am loving holding hands and being hugged by the boys. the little ones will sit on my lap and the others will lean on me or hold my hand or my arm-i love it. and i love how they do the same to each other. i really feel that they have accepted me as one of them. and i really think of them as my kids. i have been trading emails with quite a few of them already and am really looking forward to staying in touch.

i am hoping to update again on sunday...about the new volunteers, saturday steph and i are going to the national museum and to the biggest memorial, how baseball went, and pizza night sunday :) every sunday night we are on our own for dinner...so we are going to take the newbies to the italian restaurant with the great pizza and beautiful view of kigali!
...and i hope to remember to tell you all about my favorite girl i have met here.

so many things to talk about

on saturday 3 of us went to akagara park for safari. we left at am and our driver was fast to say the least. we were all surprised to see so many people already walking on the side of the roads. they carried water jugs, food, babies so many different items. it was scary because the roads are quite narrow and it is difficult to see anything or anyone unless they are right there beside or infront of you. i guess then it is a good thing that most people like to drive in the middle of the road instead of in a lane. they also like to pass when on coming cars are approaching. there have been quite a few times we thought we may crash. driving is definitely different here.



on friday i got lost and it took me 3 hours to get to the orphange. it started by getting on the wrong bus. i ended up on the bus to kanobe instead of kabuga. there were 2 men that spoke a little bit of english and told me to get off at their stop and they would get me a motorbike taxi to get me to drop 15. they negotiated and found a driver that said he knew where to take me (out of about 50 drivers all yelling at us to be the driver). i got on the bike and away we went...we ended up in kabuga which is not where i wanted to be...drop 15 is about 5 miles away from kabuga. once we got into town the motorbike got a flat tire. we then changed to bicycle taxi and he started biking up this dirt road hill. we got to the top and he started to ask directions and found a guy that spoke english and the guy told him he was in the wrong place. so the driver left me there with the english speaking man in a huge empty lot next to a church. we waited and waited for the driver to return. he finally did and he then took me to the orphanage on a new bike. he then said he wanted 4000 rwandan francs for the ride and i only had about 600 francs with me. i went to get the director and she helped negotiate the price down since the driver was the one that got lost...after a good 30 mintues of arguing and the boys coming out to laugh at me for getting on the wrong bus i gave him 3000 and he left. the boys continued to giggle at me throughout the day and it was quite funny after the fact.



i continue to love my assignment here. although yesterday i was quite sad. i had misunderstood that the secondary boys go away for school. school started yesterday for them and the secondary boys left on sunday. i did not get to say goodbye. i am quite crushed because i had been getting close to some of the secondary boys and now i will not see them again. but the primary boys are here and they go to school for half days m-f. so i only teach for half a day now. the boys told me yesterday how much they like chocolate and how excited they were because they got to eat meat yesterday. i think they had rabbit. i told them i would see what i could do to get everyone a piece of chocolate or a lollipop.

i reminded the boys how to high 5 and that is now their new goodbye with me. although they still shake my hand after it. i am also teaching them to answer something than "i am fine" when i ask them how they are. and they are quite happy about it.

the boys continue to ask me how old i am and if i am married and if i have kids. it is the culture here to marry early and have kids so for them it is quite weird to know i have done neither. i tell them i do not have kids because they are all my kids. and they seem to love that answer so they will have each other ask me at different times why i don't have kids so they can hear me say that they are my kids and they all smile so big and giggle.



oh on sunday night is our eat out night...we went to flamingos the local chinese restaurant and talk about amazing!!! it was sooo good!

this sunday i think we are trying the ethiopian restaurant.



saturday stephanie and i will be traveling to butare. the national museum is there and the memorial which has preserved bodies from the genocide.



on sunday during the day one of the students of a previous volunteer came by to see abby. abby was out but the girl hung out for awhile. we fed her and she seemed to have had a good time. after she left we realized it was the girl abby had told us about. her mother died of aids, she is living on her taking care of herself and she also has hiv. i wish i had done more and talked with her more while she was here. she is such a sweet girl and it is so sad to learn of her circumstances. i hope she comes back to visit again one of these weekends.


i am learning why rwandans are so special. they are more accepting than others because they don't live by time tables. they are so incredibly flexible in all they do that i am learning how it truly makes them better people. it is difficult for me to understand the whole african time thing that things happen and people are late and things will get done when they get done but i am realizing that because of that life is more noticeable. i look people in the eye and say muraho to eveyrone i pass, i have noticed how beautiful rwandan people are, how they smile when i speak to them in kinyarwandan. slowing down is a good thing. to go back to us will be difficult ot get caught up in the hustle.

the safari in akagara located in the north east portion of the country was so fun. frist the countryside is so beautiful! it was the africa i imagined in my head. we saw eagles, impalas, antelope, zebras, giraffes, warthogs, lots of birds, crocodile, buffalo and my favorite the hippos! the countryside with in the park was also absolutely breathtaking. i really widh i could post pics so you all could see what i am talking about.

First official week...

Things are going quite well. I really am liking it here. I don’t remember what I have blogged about. My assignment was changed to work at an all boys orphanage. The boys range from 6-20. they are kids that were previously living on the street. The boys are amazing. They are all so eager to learn English. They are respectful and so kind. I feel accepted and loved already by them. I have bonded with a few very quickly and am getting closer to many more of them. The boys like to sit next to me and hold my hand and lean on my shoulders. They so much want to be loved and given attention. I love how they have made each other their family. They eagerly do chores and clean and help each other. The conditions they live in are hard to accept. They have twin bed bunk beds and they sleep 2 to a mattress on a twin bed. Their restroom conditions are 6 holes in the ground and not sanitary by any means. They wash their own clothes by hand. Most have slipper shoes that are falling apart. They eat the same meals everyday. Porridge in the mornings and maize and gravy. They don’t complain about a thing. They are overjoyed to simply have each other. They love football (soccer). There are so many things they have never been exposed to. I am going to show them a picture of a shark this week. A picture of a salamander too….and some others. These boys are so deserving and some have such ambition and will be very successful. I hope to hear from all of them in the future.

The movie hotel Rwanda is very controversial here. Most do not believe any people were housed and saved in the hotel. Most believe the manager did not do anything to help any of the residents of Rwanda. Some feel it is odd that the hotel manager (sorry his name has escaped me at the moment) will not come back to Rwanda and face the truth that the story is not true. Personally, I am thinking that if no one is alive or coming forth to back his story than yes I tend not to believe. Which is very disappointing considering it is such a good movie and a beautiful heroic story. What the movie does do is show how the Rwandans are wonderful people. They have come so far in 15 years. I really cannot imagine what it could have been like here. I have seen quite a few pictures of how the roads and ditches were filled and covered with dead bodies. To see the place in person now is scary. To stand in a place where so many people were murdered is most bizarre. I am not one who believes in ghosts but being here I have definitely learned to believe in spirits. There is a spirit here in Rwanda. It is strong and loving but there is so much sadness here too.

I have been told more first hand stories of the genocide. It is indescribable to hear what happened to people here. I know some of the boys at the orphanage are victims of the genocide. And to think these children and all these people have to live with those horrors in their minds for the rest of their lives is horrible. I want to be able to understand and support them but it is truly difficult to have any idea of what to say. All I can do is reach out and hug them or hold their hand and let them know I am on their side. Downtown on the streets and by the bus stations there are quite a few victims. Arms and legs have been cut off. Visibly brutal scars, permanent dents and holes in peoples head.

Transportation is crazy here. Most Americans would never and I mean never be able to handle it. Everything is called a taxi…there are bus taxis, taxi taxis, motor bike taxis, and bicycle taxis. The bus taxis are basically a large van with 4 rows of bench seats and then this special seat that folds down to sit someone in the aisle. The buses do not leave until the bus is full. There are no time schedules here. But the buses fit about 3-5 more people on the bus than should fit. We sit squished together to a total sweaty stranger and when you enter and exit you may rub up against any type of body part and no one cares. They simply don’t waste space here. It is so hot in the bus I feel like I am going to die in the afternoons when I come home from work. And it took about a day for me to get use to squishing and I mean squishing against a total stranger. Yes, there is a lot of body odor here. But it is not offensive here. I am not sure why but it just is almost expected when you are next to someone. I don’t doubt that by the middle of the day I smell too. It is quite hot here and I sweat so badly. In the shade here it is beautiful it is mostly in the direct sun is almost miserable.

I feel so behind in blogging. I have a lot more stories and random info to give but the internet is so slow here it is difficult for me to stay on more than an hour. Next time I will tell you about how I got lost for 3 hours and I was trying to not have to get a phone here and now am convinced I should have one and got one today. I would also like to share the going away party the orphanage had for Bali this week. Amazing! And tomorrow 3 of us are going on a safari to akagara national park so I am sure I will have some great updates for you.

Monday 3rd

i am struggling for words again. we went to the main kigali memorial today, and i am still trying to absorb what i saw. we have found information that twice a week at the memorial they have survivors come to speak and tell their story. i believe all of us have decided to go. as a compassionate human being how can any of us here not go.
i am not quite ready to write about todays museum so i will write about a past experience...

customs in rwanda are different. the culture here is in some ways what i feel the world should be. rwanda is a beautiful example of what love can do.
one of the customs i absolutely love here is rwandans love to show love. holding hands is very common here and same sexes holding hands is no big deal. in fact, there are lots and lots of "straight" men that hold hands and are not afraid to show their friendship. life here is about relationships. rwandans always stop to say hello to everyone. shaking hands and hugging are extremely important upon arrival and departing. there are several different hand shakes which i am still trying to figure out all the meanings. but when you hear rwandans are friendly and welcoming there is no other place i have ever been that made me feel so welcomed. i walk down the street and everyone will say hi or strike up a conversation. if someone you know holds your hand it is the biggest sign of respect and love to be shown.
i wish other countries would take example that holding hands, hugging, letting others know they are loved are wonderful things. men, women, whomever should be able to walk down a sidewalk and not be bothered by insults.
just to be clear, rwandans do not agree with sexual type communications and touching in public. what i am trying to explain here is that rwandans are so full of love and respect for one another that they welcome the ability to show it. unlike, some countries at this time where someone can sue someone else for touching them or whatever...it is sickening for some life has come to the loss of showing affection.
to explain a rwandan handshake is amazing. the enthusiasm and pure respect each of them show when shaking hands and/or greeting people is unbelievable. each one of them truly makes me feel like i am a part of their families. it is difficult to explain but the emotion is shown through their body language, their faces and your heart literally swells because they make each of us and themselves feel so special. i wish we could all be so wonderful.

i start my job tomorrow. i will be teaching english to "street boy" orphans. i forget the age range but these are boys that are orphans and live on the street. they come in at their own will and want to learn. i am excited to meet each one of them and i have so many ideas i would like to discuss with my supervisor. and i also need to work on my kinyarwandan. i am getting words mixed up but i am improving a bit everyday.
stephanie (my roommate) and i have planned out all our weekends while we are here. we will be traveling every weekend to different parts of rwanda. we have also planned 0ut a few nights here so far and hope to continue.

i can't remember if i told you all previously about last nights supper. we ate at an italian restaurant that is just down the street from the house. the view was absolutely amazing with all the city lights. we had a couple liters of house wine and pizzas. yes pizza in rwanda. and it was one of the best pizzas i have ever had...all the volunteers plus one friend rachel all went. it was really a great time.

oh and pictures...there are so many wonderful pictures i can imagine in my head but taking pictures here is very sensitive. we must always ask if we can take a picture of someone or at any building. so when in public or in the public market or on the street it is taboo to take pics. so those of you that know me and my picture addiction know that i am really having issues with the picture rules but i do understand that the people of rwanda are worried of terrorism or wars starting again. and to be in another country it is of the utmost importance to show respect for the people and their customs. i am getting pictures but i will need to improve on my blogging so you all are able to visualize some of the places i talk about.
i really can't believe i have only been here for 4 days. i feel so at home here and really have since about saturday.

no title...

Muraho! I have a few housekeeping details before I start.
I will not be posting any pics while I am here. The internet is just way too slow. I should be able to post every other day.
They are making me get a local cell phone, so if there are any emergencies I will be reached.
THIS IS A GRAPHIC BLOG…WARNING WARNING WARNING

I have been here 2 full days and it is absolutely wonderful. The house is wonderful the people are so welcoming and the
Other volunteers are so helpful and nice. We have done quite a lot in the last 2 days and I am not sure where to begin.
The room is not nearly as rugged as I had imagined. But the water is as cold as I thought it would be. But it gets warm in the afternoons so most of us have taken to showering during the heat of the day. I am noticing lots of differences between
Rwanda and US. And Rwanda is full of positives. And as I sit here I am going to save those for a different day. I have done so much in the last 2 days and there are so many stories. This story I wanted to share now because it is so heavy on my mind. Eventually I will get to the other experiences in the last 2 days so the blog updates may be a bit out of order. But it is more about the experience than the when.

I really want to talk about what we did yesterday. It was an amazing day. We went to the Nyamata and Ntarama memorials.
If you are not familiar with the stories of these 2 places I suggest you read up on the stories. I will try to post something
a different day. We started in Nyamata and I was ill prepared. As we arrived we met a young man 24 years old. He is dressed
in nice jeans and a sort of button down hip hoppy shirt. His English is clear but he is soft spoken. As you enter the church you see
clothes piles and piles of dirty old clothes. You see an altar in the front surrounded by clothes. Looking to the right are more
clothes. Thousands of articles of clothes. The church has a tin roof and high ceilings.. The walls are made of brick and the
pews are basically cement blocks with a piece of wood on top. The only light comes from doors and windows and the tiny
rays through the holes of the roof.
Charles our 24 year old guide stops us just in the doorway and starts to tell us the story of what happened where we stood.
He tells us as the killers approach the church they are singing “cockroach must die”.
The church had upward of 10,000 people in it. Each one thought in the house of God they would be safe. But the killers believed Mary has a long face so she must be Tutsi and everyone must die. They threw grenades into the church and no gunshots yet. They broke down the door and used machetes on the people in front. They lined up 6 people to make examples out of them. Cutting off ones arms and using them to hit another. Cutting off one head and rolling it into the church of people. They a smart man to a cement column and used a sledge hammer to pound his chest and head. Some offered to by bullets to be shot to save themselves from being killed by machete or grenade. Charles told us these stories very quietly and with a deep tone of respect in his voice. You felt his sadness. We continued through the church to the altar. A white cloth draped the altar with what looked like dust stains.
The killers took a pregnant woman forced her on the altar and cut her stomach open. They then took the fetus out and killed it…the stains on the cloth are her blood.
Stories of these continued throughout the church. Throughout his stories Charles would lower his head gently shake it and tell us you just can’t understand. And he is right. We can hear the stories and see the aftermath but we will never understand. As he talks you want to hear more and you want to hug him. You want to scream why did this happen. You go through such a range of emotions some you don’t recognize.
There is a portion of the back of the church that is only kids clothing. The pile is enormous. On the end there is a cross laid across the clothes. It evokes even more frustration of trying to understand why. Charles continues to tell stories of death and torture. He answers questions very politely and if the story is too much he tells us the story is long and he doesn’t want to tell it.
A portion of the church is underground. It was built in 1998. we walk down the steps to see a glass pyramid with 3 shelves. The top 2 shelves housed skeletal parts other than skulls. The bottom shelf housed skulls. There is a chamber built even deeper that houses a coffin draped in purple and white satin which houses a dead body.
on the bottom shelf o f skulls there is one skull that has the name Patrice written on it. Charles starts a story about 2 boys who escaped the church and hood in the bushes for 5 days. He talks of how they are friends and one is 8 and the other maybe younger. He is very sad during the this story but continues on. After hiding for 5 days Patrice needs food and he thinks it is safe. He leaves the safety of the brush and is killed. He is killed. The second boy watches and can not do a thing. He can’t do anything to help his friend. He is now alone in the bush and the story ends.
Charles is the 8 year boy. He is a survivor of the genocide and it changes things. The stories become more vivid and your heart melts for this young man. Your respect and love for this man grows instantly and you just can’t help but want to hold him and tell him how sorry for what has happened. You can’t help but want to do everything for his life or him. Charles eventually collected patrices remains marked them and set them in the special tomb. It is extremely difficult for him to tell us this story but he does and we are selfishly grateful.
The tour continues to the mass graves in the back of the church. There are 2 mass graves built there. To get in you step down a flight of stairs with the end of coffins in front of you. One coffin has a name of an identified person. Then you look left and right and your heart just stops. From floor to ceiling are shelves filled with skulls and bones. It is dark and dungy and cold down there and standing among all those remains you can’t even think. You can not grasp the reality. The remains are mostly adults. Children remains are housed elsewhere if they were even found. Childrens bones and bodies were eaten by dogs or the child was so young the bones decomposed. Some of the skulls you can see clear markings of how they were killed. Bullet holes, machete, beaten, crushed...you can’t help but play images in your head when you hear these stories or see these remains. And what one could even imagine I have no doubt is even close to the horror. But charles does and it breaks your heart. He continues to tell us you just don’t understand.
Oh and by the way the children were usually killed by being slammed against the wall like you do with a rug to get the dust out.
The tour is over and you don’t know what to feel or think. You don’t know what to say to charles but you want to give him the world. I tell him how sorry I am and I wish him the best. I give him a tip and think I have done good. He shakes my hand in a way I later found out was a sign of respect. I want to bow to him or something a hand shake doesn’t seem enough. Charles told us that he volunteers at church because owes it to his people. He feels a sense of responsiibilty to make sure his family (he lost his entire family except for his grandmother) and his people are not forgotten. We all say our goodbyes and we head off to the next memorial. In the car we are all in shock saying oh my god and I can’t believe this all happened and the things you say when you really don’t know what to say.
The gravity of what I have seen does not sink until the next day and even then I don’t think I have felt the extent of what is happening. To understand the sights, the smells, the sounds, the emotions and everything that went on is not fathomable.
I will never forget Charles. I will never forget what his voice sounded like. I will never forget what his handshake felt like.

The next memorial there are children outside playing this make me feel a bit more happy to see kids faces. There are 4 building and we are told we will tour 3-the church, the kitchen and the Sunday school room. This memorial I recognize from pictures because of the clothes hanging from the ceiling and a blue trunk. The memrorial has lots of the clothes piled on the pews, hanging from the walls and from the ceiling. The back of the church houses a shelf from floor to ceiling of bones. The guide tells us the horrors of what has happened there. I believe she was also a survivor but I think I was so taking in the 1st memorial that I did not connect with this guide.
In the front of the church there are shelves floor to ceiling of personal items, burnt mattresses, and coffins. In the blue trunk there are identification cards of a handful of the 40,000 that died there on April 15, 1994. we continue to the kitchen which only consists of 2 walls and everything else is burnt. There is a recognizable piece of burnt mattress and human hair in the dirt. Some people at this massacre will killed by being tied to mattresses and burned alive.
The next building is the Sunday school house. As you walk in it is small empty clean. There are cement pews built into the cement floor you scan the room looking straight ahead and then turn to your left and it is the most shocking thing I think I have ever scene. There is a stain on the wall about 3 feet by 3 feet. It is gooey looking and dark red/black. It is obvious what this is and you freeze. A lump develops in your throat and your stomach turns and you stare. As you stare at it you notice there are parts of the bricks that are worn and broken. And you question how many children were hit up against that wall to create a brick to wear or break.

As we leave the memorial there a 3 or 4 boys outside…I had made lots of friendship bracelets to give to the kids. I take out my bracelets and hand them to the boys and within seconds there are kids running toward us in every direction. It was amazing. Karen gave the kids mints. Stephanie gave one of the kids a pen. One girl in particular touched me. She was so beautiful and so in awe as I put the bracelet around her wrist. It was so absolutely rewarding.

I have so many more stories to tell you but this is the one I needed to get out now. As I typed it I had to put it in the you perspective instead of the I. I selfishly wanted to protect myself from feeling my sadness and confusion of what I saw yesterday. It did not stop me from crying all over or thinking of new questions or wishing I had hugged charles or so many things I wish I had done.
BTW I will most likely need to revisit my thoughts and emotions on some of these events so you will be hearing more of this particular day.

The flight

it took me over 30hours to get here...considering all the connections i am surprised i didn't miss one. the flight was fine except 2 what i consider major things...
1st the flight from amsterdam to narobi is 9 hours....i have already been on a plane for around 13 hours so i am a bit tired.
I have it planned that i will sleep on this leg of the trip...well, i was so wrong.
i had the end seat and the middle guy was so large that he could not put down the arm rests. i realize we all have out issues....but i paid good money for an entire seat! why is he almost 3 seats if he only paid for one? The guy was really nice and all but come on! 9 hours of this...can you please move your shoulder, can you please move your arm, please move your leg (i couldn't get my tray all the way down because his legs were so big and interfered with my tray! i was incredibly patient with it but i will be writing a letter to klm.
get as mad as you want but it should be a LAW that if you can't fit into the seat buy a 2nd seat!!!!

then i finally get into kigali after a delayed flight nairobi...and da da daaaaahhhhhh
customs isn't going to let me in with my donations....WWWWHHAAAATTTTT??? really it is 230 am kigali time and you aren't going to let me through.
apparantly i need invoices for all the items -- didn't have any. so after awile came up with if i could find the receipt in my email would they use that? Yes...but i could not find the email.....Ugghhhh, so sat around talking to the 3 customs guys for awhile about michael jackson because one was surfing the net reading about michael jackson...really having no idea what i could do...and then it happened! HOw about use my blog to prove to them I am not going to sell the items. GENIUS!!! by that time i had been proposed to twice so i was really thinking i had a good chance on getting the officer to let the items pass...he printed the entire blog and said ok i will let you pass.

AAAhhhhh it felt great to be here...had some tea with my mind just went blank...i have forgotten everyone's name...ummmmm, anyway had tea unpacked heard a dog bark, didn't see a single mosquito, took a bit of a shower but the water was so cold i only got to one arm and wetting down my hair. slept for a bout 3-4 hours and got up to with justus, program director, to pick up one of the other volunteers....so i need a good night rest tonight

my room is lovely and i am feeling very well and happy here in rwanda......tomorrow i will write about what we did today but for now i need to go and eat and then off to bed for some real sleep

It's time...

Thank you to Elwood Bryant and Chris Miller for their donations.

The time has finally come...I leave tomorrow!

I have 2 HUGE suitcases full of donations. I am really hoping they don't weigh over the limit. I have a carry on full of heather items, and a big "purse" of cameras, reading materials and snacks. Oh and of course my long flight socks to pull on when the plane overnight lights turn off.

Today went really fast. Now that I have crawled into bed and thought about it - the day is sort of a blur.

I am feeling calm and prepared. I can't think of anything I may have forgotten. I don't have any last minute cravings for food I won't be able to eat while I am gone. No nerves. I haven't felt any nervousness regarding this trip. It feels so right to me I can't think of anything to be nervous about. I am looking forward to learning, to the entire experience, and all of the unknown to see and touch and smell...well maybe not the smells. But really, nothing can smell as bad as Ano Nuevo Island - dead fish, seals, birds and the live gassy seals all of it basking in the sea salt humid air...

I usually don't start to feel the butterfly giddy excitement until I am at the airport or just before take off. I have no doubt tomorrow I will not be this calm and relaxed.

I am feeling a bit guilty for leaving the dogs for such a long time, so I am easing that by letting them both sleep on the bed tonight. Hobee is already running in his REM sleep. Oh and Hobee loved Stephanie, so I am feeling a lot better about the dog sitting situation. They will both be just fine :)



Quite a few of you have asked me Why Rwanda...I still haven't been able to organize my reasons enough to be able to blog about them. I have sat down quite a few times to try to express my feelings but I am not sure if I have writers block or if I just am not ready to put it all out there. This trip is so emotionally and spiritually important to me that maybe it is still too personal for me to share that part of it... I am looking forward to that point in the trip or maybe after the trip when I am able to grasp it and express myself.

What I can say is this is my biggest dream come true. I am feeling blessed and lucky to be able to be going to Rwanda at this stage of my life instead of having to wait until I retire. Everything in my life has led up to this...I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And one thing that resonates in my mind so often is something my friend, Mike Jennings, once said to me...We were having a conversation about why I didn't have a child or children of my own. He explained to me that my need to volunteer and help and learn about kids in less fortunate situations has enabled me to have so many children in my life...true they aren't "my own" but had I had my own I may not have been able to have the time to be a Big Sister with BBBS or to volunteer with Read To Me or to go on this trip and take what I have learned and hopefully help kids in a truly deserving country. Instead because of what I have been unable to do has enabled me to have more children in my life than I could have ever dreamed of.

I can only hope and pray and dream that I make a difference in their lives as they have in mine.

The kids aren't the only reason for this journey...but they are all an important part of what has led me to today.

Mike and I had this conversation the day I told him about my decision to go to Rwanda. And his response was so meaningful to me that I think about it a lot and it makes it all the more real that I have made the right decisions and have no regrets.

I will only be gone a few short weeks but I have no doubt these short few weeks will change my life, my way of thinking, so many different things about life. I realize not everyone gets why I want and need to do this. I know not everyone agrees with my decision to go or for a lot of my life decisions for that matter...but for me nothing could be so right. I wish I was going longer, but I also know and seem to believe I will go back. This is sort of just a test trip for me :)

I hope each of you get something out of this blog. I hope each of you keep in touch.

In no time at all

Thank You to Angela Daniels for her donation!

It is down to less than 2 weeks. I am still in the same mind frame - calm. I don't think it will change for another week or so. Which at that time it will change to pure excitement and chaos. I feel prepared now, but I also haven't really committed my organization to thought yet.
My malaria meds were changed to the doxycycline. I start taking them on the 28th and will continue to take them through end of September or maybe beginning of October, I forget. Because they are an antibiotic the nurse sent me to pick up acidopholis and monistat treatments to bring with - the joys of being female. I, of course, would rather be safe than sorry when traveling so I have no complaints.
Karen Overstake has so graciously offered to loan me her mosquito net - thank you, Karen!
Other than that, I continue to make my lists of what to pick up, what to pack, etc... My challenge in the last few days has been trying to find a particular book, Escaping North Korea by Mike Kim, I can't seem to find it anywhere around me. Should this surprise me? Probably not.
I went through my current unread library and found about 5 books to bring with me. Of course, this may change between now and the time I leave.

Fundraising and stuff

My fundraising attempts are coming to a close. I raised $1,258.00 thus far. There are 3 or 4 people that are sending donations which should bring the total to around $1400.00. Considering the economy and the ups and downs of my fundraising learning process I am happy with result. I have no doubt that once I am back I will need to continue to find ways to collect donations for the kids and the schools.

As of today, I leave in 3 weeks. It is down to 3 weeks. I have started my get done before I leave to do list. I have started my need to get before I leave list and my packing list. The 2 major items I have yet to pick up are my mosquito net and my malaria pills. Found out my insurance will not cover the malaria pills because they are a preventative "option" instead of a treatment. Very logical from the insurance perspective. I think my definition of logical is different from the industries definition. But hey that happens, right?
So if I get malaria and am back in the US I am covered for treatment, but not any time before that. I had a prescription for Malarone but it will be over $1200 for those pills. Tomorrow I will get a new prescription for the "generic" malaria meds which will cost around $100. I think I will need to take them longer and the meds cause more side effects which should be a good time. I will keep you updated on that saga once I get the details.

The dogsitters are in order - thank you Lindsey, Chris and Betty. Really the dogsitting situation is my biggest worry. I am hoping the kids don't act up and cause issues for anyone. Diogie pretty much just sleeps all the time now. Now with Hobee I am wondering about all the different scenarios...

I am getting my summer allergy/cold/illness over with now. It's a relief because I really don't care for being congested while flying.

My Assignment

Kicukiro is a district (akarere) in Kigali Province, Rwanda. Its headquarters is the Kigali suburb of Kicukiro.

Kicukiro district is divided into 10 sectors (imirenge): Gahanga, Gatenga, Gikondo, Kagarama, Kanombe, Kicukiro, Kigarama, Masaka, Niboye and Nyarugunga.

Literacy Program Assignment

About: Teaching and literacy program involves working with schools at the ongoing school curriculum to improve the standards and performance of pupils. It is also in line with the current transition in the country of switching from Franco system to Anglo system hence therefore as a volunteer you will be required to teach English in line with other subjects of your choice.

Location: Gahanga 1&2 primary school located at Kicukiro.

Number of children. Each school comprises of around 1000 pupils with each class divided into streams of around 40-50 pupils per stream.

Volunteer work hours: a minimum of 4 hours per day, 5 days per week during the hours of 9am to 4pm, Monday to Friday.

Expectations of the project: your project will have its own expectations in regards to your volunteer responsibilities and duties, but you are also are expected to bring your own knowledge and skills with you and possess a positive outlook and a proactive style towards your work in order for your volunteer time to be successful.

Your first work task: in your first few days at your project organize to have a meeting with your project supervisor and the school head to elaborate on the program as well as familiarize yourself with the school environment.

Type of work available: assistant teaching as well as life skills vocational trainings depending on your abilities as a volunteer. Teaching will be in line with the existing school curriculum.

Project ideas: You are encouraged to practice a few French words as this will help you in the first days of your program. However, this is not compulsory.

Fundraising needs: Basic essentials: Books to set up a school library especially English, demonstration charts and sitting desks for pupils Please note, all donations must be given to FVA who will channel them appropriately

Other notes: The classes have many pupils (40-50) at any given session.

Shoes Shoes Shoes

I forgot to mention yesterday....drumroll please...da da da daaaaaaaa

144 pairs of shoes ....yes, that is correct 144 pairs of shoes will be flying with me to Rwanda.
I am really really really excited about handing out the shoes. Once I get there I will speak with Justus to find out which area of children need the shoes the most. 144 pairs of shoes are a lot of shoes but when you compare it to the 700 kids just at one of the schools, and the ton of kids that aren't able to attend school - it isn't that many. So I want to make sure the shoes go to kids that need them the most.

Wow! I really am excited about the shoes. Thank You Thank You Thank You to all of you who donated to the shoe fund!!!!

Lots to update

I have a huge thanks to shout out to my parents for their donation. MURAKOZE mama and dahta.

And another murakoze to my little sister, Jennifer, and her friends. Two weeks ago she arranged for a couple of her friends to meet up and make friendship bracelets and write letters to the kids in Rwanda. We had a great time and thank you to Margaret, her mom, for her endless supply of treats and drinks!

Last weekend I had 8 girls attend the Big Brother Big Sister letter exchange event. I was hoping for a lot more kids, so I was a wee bit disappointed with the number. BUT we made the best of it, and it was really fun. The girls ranged in age from 7-14. I brought a map and taped it to the wall, so all could see where Rwanda is located. The girls made friendship bracelets and wrote their letters on decorative cards I picked up at Joann Fabrics. I made a brief presentation explaining why I am going and explained why they were writing the letters and making the bracelets. Jennifer, my little, was a great help. She showed the bigs and littles how to make different bracelets. I was so proud of her! All the girls seemed really excited to find out who their new friend will be. I hope it all works out and the letter program is a hit.
Murakoze to BBBS organization and to the Bigs and Littles for participating.

I got my 2nd hep shot. It was a breeze. No soreness this time.

And I finally booked my flight. 26 hours total and $2500. I am a little mad at myself for waiting so long because I would have saved $500 if I had booked a week earlier instead of waiting. My flights are with KLM but I think the airlines ended up to be Northwest and Ethiopina (maybe). I fly Phoenix-Detroit-Amsterdam-Nairobi-Kigali. My layovers are only an hour to an hour and a half at each location. If I am late on any flight I am crossing my fingers for Amsterdam. I wouldn't mind going out for a few hours and exploring. I have heard and read it is pretty easy to get to "downtown" from the airport, explore a bit and get back. I am flying in a day early and flying out I think on the 2nd or 3rd, I forgot already. So I have given myself extra time on both ends of the trip to miss a connecting flight.
I would love to get stuck in Nairobi but since I did not apply for a visa I really hope I don't get stuck there because I literally would not even be able to get out of the airport.

I've emailed the airlines to see about checking my bags for free since there will be lots of donations. I have not gotten an answer back yet.

I have been getting in touch with a few past and future volunteers and so far everyone has been very positive about the experience. One gal has posted wonderful pics and short videos of her experience. Karen should be back from Kenya tomorrow, so I am very excited to hear about her trip.

I have been disappointed in myself that I didn't opt for a longer time. I wish I had done at least 3 months. I feel now that I am really going to miss out on some of the experience. I know I know...I can always go back and at least I am doing this much. I wish I knew then what I know now...of course :)

Murakoze

Thank you to Lynn Daleiden for her donation!

I am off today to buy 60 pairs of shoes for the children. I may go ahead and get 100 pairs since that was my fundraising goal for the week.
What I really need to do is create a new budget and figure out how much of my budgeted trip money I have already spent on fundraising items. I get so excited about getting the shoes, school supplies, and bracelets for the kids that I am forgetting I need to save my budgeted money for food and traveling expenses.

I've also made contact with a few past volunteers and have found a few online journals of past and present volunteers. I am looking forward to asking questions, seeing pics and learning more about their volunteer experiences.

More thanks!

Thank you to Brandi at www.mybraintumorjourney.com, Melissa Schoenecker and Danny Thorton for their generous donations towards buying shoes for the kids.

Brandi and Danny saw my post on one of the talk shows facebook pages. Yesterday I decided to try posting my info on different TV show FB pages. Well, it worked.
And Melissa (a friend from high school) saw my status update on FB.

I am going to find other ways to post my cause on FB and elsewhere. I need to continue to get the word out as much as possible. I only have about 9 weeks until I am off to Rwanda.

UGH

I have been dreading posting this blog...the update to the fundraiser. Bottom line is there was not a fundraiser. Without going into to too much "she said, she told me" kind of stuff...what was suppose to transpire did not. There was a definite lack of communication on one of the sides of the team, and it basically broke down from there. I am very glad that I had not fronted any money and in the end remained even instead of in the hole. Which for a bit there I really thought I was going to end up in the red. If that had been the case then I would have been really angry.
It was all pretty disappointing, but I learned some lessons throughout the process which I will take with me on my journeys.
Although, it was a wonderful thing to have someone offer to set up the fundraiser...make sure you check references and request proof of previous work completed. Don't be afraid to ask. I didn't ask because I thought that would be rude. I didn't ask because I believed the hype so whole heartily I would never have thought it wouldn't come together.
Remember that not every thing marketed as "free" is truly free. Consider the time, the stress, the anxiety, LISTEN TO YOUR GUT, etc...that may play into it the entire scenario.
Weigh your options! Had I known/remembered the above 2 recommendations, I would have cancelled the fundraiser at the time we postponed it. Every part of me and some friends were telling me to say "thank you" and walk away. I didn't. I wanted to believe more time would fix it. My instincts were screaming SUCKER!
Again, I am not mad just really disappointed. But I have to remember I can only be responsible for myself, my own decisions and my own actions. I made the mistake to not walk away sooner rather than later. My only regret is I could have used that time and energy to put into something else. I can't change any of it...only learn from it.

BTW, I can't remember if I ever updated on the garage sale...well, that didn't happen either. BUT instead I took a ton of stuff to Buffalo Exchange and Plato's Closet and made a lot more than I would have at a garage sale. $110 total, so far. I am continuing to clean out the closets and the rest of the house looking for things to sell.

More good news

I figured out today that some airlines...if you contact them ahead of time will allow extra luggage with no fee IF you are using the items for donations. Now I need to figure out what airlines I will be using. I definitely will need to book as 2 legs because it is MUCH cheaper-almost half the price. Here to either London, Amsterdam or Brussels ...and from their onto Rwanda. I am going to try for Amsterdam since I have never been there and maybe take a day to go out and look around. Which would be really cool because I hear it is quite easy to get from the Amsterdam airport to the main part of the city.
Anyway...back to free luggage. I am thinking I will get a big suitcase with wheels and fill it. I was planning on bringing some donations but this opens the door to lots of new options!!!

BTW, I ended up scratching the garage sale because I went out to set up and there were no signs or any type of advertising. BUT it ended up being a good thing because I took a bunch of stuff to Buffalo Exchange and Plato's Closet. So far I have made $58 and have lots more stuff to try to sell to them...and some of the rest of the stuff I will put on Craigslist or Ebay.

Estatic

I am over the moon giddy happy silly!!! I had written an email to my match coordinator with Big Brother Big Sister to see if I could get some littles involved with the Hello Rwanda Letter Exchange...AND she said yes. She said YES in such a big way that they are going to make it a BBBS Event in June. Not sure the date yet but it will be at the BBBS main office in Phoenix. This is absolutely amazing!!! These kids will have some things in common which will help to make them more relatable to each other. This is huge to me. Not only will the Rwanda kids learn about the US, but the BBBS littles will have a new door open to them as well. For some this may be the only exposure they have to anything or anyone international. It is so important to me for this to work. The idea that some of these kids could end up keeping in touch for years to come is incredible. This little idea could end up making a huge difference to one or more of these kids and that is all I could ever hope for.
I am so happy this is amazing..absolutely amazing!!!

BTW, any of you that have kids 7-17 and would like to participate...let me know.

Garage Sale

Thank you to Denise Wimer for her donation!

Tomorrow is the yearly HOA garage sale. I have decided to sell a bunch of stuff and put all the money toward Rwanda. I hadn't realized (I was in denial) how much stuff I had. Way too much, and I am not even a collector or a hoarder.
I am hoping to make at least $100. Doesn't seem like much but every little bit helps.

AND...I still haven't finished my Hello Rwanda Children's Campaign letter. I WILL get that done today!!!!
I do have an interview on Monday for a temp agency. I decided it is silly of me not to try to work. And it will give me an opportunity to meet new people. It'll be good! And meeting new people = more people to educate about Rwanda.

AND I have been in touch with 3 of the 5 August volunteers. Getting in touch with the other volunteers prior to the trip was really important to me. In certain situation I tend to build up anxiety and it emotes itself as shyness. But since I have been in touch with the volunteers prior to the trip I feel just fine and even more excited about the whole thing. Plus it is such a relief to know I have someone to travel with on the weekends, if needed.

We are each in different programs but all going to Rwanda. There is a lady from near Toronto (childrens program), one from DC (gender based violence program), one from UK (HIV/Aids program) and I haven't found out where the 3rd lady is from yet.
I am really relieved that I have been in contact with the ladies and will continue to learn more about them throughout this entire adventure.

Great News - As I am typing this I got a text from Natasha that said she has sold 5 fundraiser tickets today! AAAHHHHHH, now I feel like the fundraiser is officially on its way.

Shots, Shots, Pills and more Shots

I had no idea how expensive all the shots and pills were going to be. And of course, to make it even more fun my doctor does not distribute any vaccinations. My doctor's office referred me to the local vaccination hoarder office. Word on the street is there are only 5 offices in all of Phoenix area. At least I know where to go if any sort of epidemic breaks out in good ol' PHX.
I arrived early for my appointment, so I sat in the tiny lobby and read an article on how to have fabulous hair. I can't remember any of the tips it gave out.
The lobby is roasting hot, and it being the 1st 100 degree day may I say it was pleasant.
Yellow fever vaccination was the most expensive single shot at $115.
Adult polio vaccination was $50
Hepatitis A is a serious of 2 shots and each is $75.
Hepatitis B (this is the one that made me feel like my shoulder was ripping out of it's socket) is a lovely serious of 3 shots at $80 each. Can't wait to go back for 2 more of these.
I opted for the Typhoid pill form vs. the shot. It is 4 pills; one taken every other day. The pill form is suppose to last a few years longer than the shot.
And most important, I received my script for my malaria pills and a script for anti-diarrhea medicine. I think I am more concerned about getting diarrhea than anything else.
I opted against the 3 x $285 rabies shots. I figure if I get bit by something in Rwanda I will have most likely lost a limb or two and maybe some important organs. At that point, rabies would be the least of my worries. Plus I am not going to be in any areas with a high risk for contact with wild animals.
I handed over my debit card to put another dent in my severance package. The vaccination place doesn't bill insurance, so now I get to file a claim to see what or if they may pay for. I wonder how long this will take?

I feel one step closer.

I also got an email from Justus in Rwanda. He included 5 email addresses, and I am assuming those are the other volunteers that will be there in August. I emailed them all to introduce myself and to ask if any of them wanted to travel together on the weekends. One of the ladies emailed me back and said yes. I am really excited about that. Now I know I won't need to travel solo while exploring.
Justus said he is onboard with the Read To Me program, he will set me up with a gorilla trek group and there was something else but I have forgotten at the moment.

Tomorrow is a meeting with Natasha to keep the fundraiser on schedule. And I will be finalizing the Hello Rwanda Children's Campaign letter. I should probably update my resume too. I don't think I will make it much longer as a retiree. I am getting a little bored and now that it is getting too hot outside there are limited things to do.