story 1 of the last week

i am sorry it has been so long since i have posted...the internet has been out for over a week. i have lots to update you all on and i don't know where to start.
i have finished my assignment here and i am incredibly sad. today i will be going to the orphanage for a goodbye party in my honor. i am expecting it to be bitter sweet. i have really fallen in love with the my boys and i will miss them so much. i am learning a little bit of what it must be like to be a parent and this letting go part is breaking my heart.
i have had quite a few experiences in the last week. the most emotional was at the orphanage. last monday i had some money stolen out of my bag at the orphanage. i figured it out in the afternoon so knew at some point in the morning one or more of the boys must have gotten into my bag but i didn't want to let the staff know because punishment there is a beating. i decided to fib which wasn't a good choice either but i didn't want any of the boys to get into trouble...i said i must have dropped the money somewhere at the center and if they heard anything to let me know. welll noel the night staffer sat the boys down for a very long time and lectured them regarding stealing and for the boy that stole the money to come forward and how could they still from their friend heather and it just sounded very stressful...on tuesday morning one of the boys came forward and said he had taken the money out of my bag because he wanted to buy a piece of candy. i didn't so much have an issue with the stealing as i did with what happened to the boy...he was brought in front of all the children and the staff that were present and made an example of...he was beaten...and i still do not understand what is meant by beating here. i get different stories from different people. kids can be hit and threatened with sticks or switches and they are punished in front of their peers. but i don't think that beating has the same definition here as it does to me in the US. i think beating here is more similar to spanking or hitting. either way i am not an advocate for physical pain as punishment. but that wasn't the worst of it. tuesday was my most difficult day here and i have struggled quite a bit since. the boy who stole my money was one of my favorites. i decided not to share his name because i don't want anyone reading this to judge him or think differently of him...to find out it was him really broke my spirit. i am not supporting him in stealing but at the same time i understand why he did it. and he is a child and so many children have stolen before. after the staff had told my what happened the boys were just arriving back from school and i walked out to talk to a different boy and all the boys swarmed around me and pointed at and kept saying thief to the boy. he came up and stood next to me and only made eye contact with me for a split second but i saw the pain in his eyes. i told the boys to stop pointing and yelling but most didn't understand or want to stop and i told the boy that i would talk to him later because at that time i was too hurt. his eyes started to fill up with tears and i felt so badly that i wasn't ready to talk to him right then. i spoke to a couple of the other boys regarding what happened and took what they had to say into consideration before i spoke to the boy. most of the other boys were scared that i would not like any of them any more because one boy did something bad. they were sad and worried that i would not want to be their friends and that i would not love them anymore. it is amazing to me that consequences matter here. yes the boys do things they are not suppose to and they make mistakes but the consequences really do matter.
so i spoke to the boy later that day and i think it was harder for me than for him. my heart hurt so much watching and listening to him tell me what happened and how sorry he was. he ended up apologizing to me everyday this week and i saw everyday he felt a bit less ashamed and everyday the boys were a little bit less harsh with him. he made a promise to me and the staff that he would not steal again. and one of the craziest parts is this boy has never been in trouble at the center he is consider one of the best kids there. it was a disappointing situation for so many at the center but i really think he learned from it. of course i wish it never happened but it taught me quite a bit too. i knew i loved these boys but it showed me how much i care about them and how invested i have become in their well beings. and know i am crying sitting here because i am going to miss them all so very much.