Monday 3rd

i am struggling for words again. we went to the main kigali memorial today, and i am still trying to absorb what i saw. we have found information that twice a week at the memorial they have survivors come to speak and tell their story. i believe all of us have decided to go. as a compassionate human being how can any of us here not go.
i am not quite ready to write about todays museum so i will write about a past experience...

customs in rwanda are different. the culture here is in some ways what i feel the world should be. rwanda is a beautiful example of what love can do.
one of the customs i absolutely love here is rwandans love to show love. holding hands is very common here and same sexes holding hands is no big deal. in fact, there are lots and lots of "straight" men that hold hands and are not afraid to show their friendship. life here is about relationships. rwandans always stop to say hello to everyone. shaking hands and hugging are extremely important upon arrival and departing. there are several different hand shakes which i am still trying to figure out all the meanings. but when you hear rwandans are friendly and welcoming there is no other place i have ever been that made me feel so welcomed. i walk down the street and everyone will say hi or strike up a conversation. if someone you know holds your hand it is the biggest sign of respect and love to be shown.
i wish other countries would take example that holding hands, hugging, letting others know they are loved are wonderful things. men, women, whomever should be able to walk down a sidewalk and not be bothered by insults.
just to be clear, rwandans do not agree with sexual type communications and touching in public. what i am trying to explain here is that rwandans are so full of love and respect for one another that they welcome the ability to show it. unlike, some countries at this time where someone can sue someone else for touching them or whatever...it is sickening for some life has come to the loss of showing affection.
to explain a rwandan handshake is amazing. the enthusiasm and pure respect each of them show when shaking hands and/or greeting people is unbelievable. each one of them truly makes me feel like i am a part of their families. it is difficult to explain but the emotion is shown through their body language, their faces and your heart literally swells because they make each of us and themselves feel so special. i wish we could all be so wonderful.

i start my job tomorrow. i will be teaching english to "street boy" orphans. i forget the age range but these are boys that are orphans and live on the street. they come in at their own will and want to learn. i am excited to meet each one of them and i have so many ideas i would like to discuss with my supervisor. and i also need to work on my kinyarwandan. i am getting words mixed up but i am improving a bit everyday.
stephanie (my roommate) and i have planned out all our weekends while we are here. we will be traveling every weekend to different parts of rwanda. we have also planned 0ut a few nights here so far and hope to continue.

i can't remember if i told you all previously about last nights supper. we ate at an italian restaurant that is just down the street from the house. the view was absolutely amazing with all the city lights. we had a couple liters of house wine and pizzas. yes pizza in rwanda. and it was one of the best pizzas i have ever had...all the volunteers plus one friend rachel all went. it was really a great time.

oh and pictures...there are so many wonderful pictures i can imagine in my head but taking pictures here is very sensitive. we must always ask if we can take a picture of someone or at any building. so when in public or in the public market or on the street it is taboo to take pics. so those of you that know me and my picture addiction know that i am really having issues with the picture rules but i do understand that the people of rwanda are worried of terrorism or wars starting again. and to be in another country it is of the utmost importance to show respect for the people and their customs. i am getting pictures but i will need to improve on my blogging so you all are able to visualize some of the places i talk about.
i really can't believe i have only been here for 4 days. i feel so at home here and really have since about saturday.

no title...

Muraho! I have a few housekeeping details before I start.
I will not be posting any pics while I am here. The internet is just way too slow. I should be able to post every other day.
They are making me get a local cell phone, so if there are any emergencies I will be reached.
THIS IS A GRAPHIC BLOG…WARNING WARNING WARNING

I have been here 2 full days and it is absolutely wonderful. The house is wonderful the people are so welcoming and the
Other volunteers are so helpful and nice. We have done quite a lot in the last 2 days and I am not sure where to begin.
The room is not nearly as rugged as I had imagined. But the water is as cold as I thought it would be. But it gets warm in the afternoons so most of us have taken to showering during the heat of the day. I am noticing lots of differences between
Rwanda and US. And Rwanda is full of positives. And as I sit here I am going to save those for a different day. I have done so much in the last 2 days and there are so many stories. This story I wanted to share now because it is so heavy on my mind. Eventually I will get to the other experiences in the last 2 days so the blog updates may be a bit out of order. But it is more about the experience than the when.

I really want to talk about what we did yesterday. It was an amazing day. We went to the Nyamata and Ntarama memorials.
If you are not familiar with the stories of these 2 places I suggest you read up on the stories. I will try to post something
a different day. We started in Nyamata and I was ill prepared. As we arrived we met a young man 24 years old. He is dressed
in nice jeans and a sort of button down hip hoppy shirt. His English is clear but he is soft spoken. As you enter the church you see
clothes piles and piles of dirty old clothes. You see an altar in the front surrounded by clothes. Looking to the right are more
clothes. Thousands of articles of clothes. The church has a tin roof and high ceilings.. The walls are made of brick and the
pews are basically cement blocks with a piece of wood on top. The only light comes from doors and windows and the tiny
rays through the holes of the roof.
Charles our 24 year old guide stops us just in the doorway and starts to tell us the story of what happened where we stood.
He tells us as the killers approach the church they are singing “cockroach must die”.
The church had upward of 10,000 people in it. Each one thought in the house of God they would be safe. But the killers believed Mary has a long face so she must be Tutsi and everyone must die. They threw grenades into the church and no gunshots yet. They broke down the door and used machetes on the people in front. They lined up 6 people to make examples out of them. Cutting off ones arms and using them to hit another. Cutting off one head and rolling it into the church of people. They a smart man to a cement column and used a sledge hammer to pound his chest and head. Some offered to by bullets to be shot to save themselves from being killed by machete or grenade. Charles told us these stories very quietly and with a deep tone of respect in his voice. You felt his sadness. We continued through the church to the altar. A white cloth draped the altar with what looked like dust stains.
The killers took a pregnant woman forced her on the altar and cut her stomach open. They then took the fetus out and killed it…the stains on the cloth are her blood.
Stories of these continued throughout the church. Throughout his stories Charles would lower his head gently shake it and tell us you just can’t understand. And he is right. We can hear the stories and see the aftermath but we will never understand. As he talks you want to hear more and you want to hug him. You want to scream why did this happen. You go through such a range of emotions some you don’t recognize.
There is a portion of the back of the church that is only kids clothing. The pile is enormous. On the end there is a cross laid across the clothes. It evokes even more frustration of trying to understand why. Charles continues to tell stories of death and torture. He answers questions very politely and if the story is too much he tells us the story is long and he doesn’t want to tell it.
A portion of the church is underground. It was built in 1998. we walk down the steps to see a glass pyramid with 3 shelves. The top 2 shelves housed skeletal parts other than skulls. The bottom shelf housed skulls. There is a chamber built even deeper that houses a coffin draped in purple and white satin which houses a dead body.
on the bottom shelf o f skulls there is one skull that has the name Patrice written on it. Charles starts a story about 2 boys who escaped the church and hood in the bushes for 5 days. He talks of how they are friends and one is 8 and the other maybe younger. He is very sad during the this story but continues on. After hiding for 5 days Patrice needs food and he thinks it is safe. He leaves the safety of the brush and is killed. He is killed. The second boy watches and can not do a thing. He can’t do anything to help his friend. He is now alone in the bush and the story ends.
Charles is the 8 year boy. He is a survivor of the genocide and it changes things. The stories become more vivid and your heart melts for this young man. Your respect and love for this man grows instantly and you just can’t help but want to hold him and tell him how sorry for what has happened. You can’t help but want to do everything for his life or him. Charles eventually collected patrices remains marked them and set them in the special tomb. It is extremely difficult for him to tell us this story but he does and we are selfishly grateful.
The tour continues to the mass graves in the back of the church. There are 2 mass graves built there. To get in you step down a flight of stairs with the end of coffins in front of you. One coffin has a name of an identified person. Then you look left and right and your heart just stops. From floor to ceiling are shelves filled with skulls and bones. It is dark and dungy and cold down there and standing among all those remains you can’t even think. You can not grasp the reality. The remains are mostly adults. Children remains are housed elsewhere if they were even found. Childrens bones and bodies were eaten by dogs or the child was so young the bones decomposed. Some of the skulls you can see clear markings of how they were killed. Bullet holes, machete, beaten, crushed...you can’t help but play images in your head when you hear these stories or see these remains. And what one could even imagine I have no doubt is even close to the horror. But charles does and it breaks your heart. He continues to tell us you just don’t understand.
Oh and by the way the children were usually killed by being slammed against the wall like you do with a rug to get the dust out.
The tour is over and you don’t know what to feel or think. You don’t know what to say to charles but you want to give him the world. I tell him how sorry I am and I wish him the best. I give him a tip and think I have done good. He shakes my hand in a way I later found out was a sign of respect. I want to bow to him or something a hand shake doesn’t seem enough. Charles told us that he volunteers at church because owes it to his people. He feels a sense of responsiibilty to make sure his family (he lost his entire family except for his grandmother) and his people are not forgotten. We all say our goodbyes and we head off to the next memorial. In the car we are all in shock saying oh my god and I can’t believe this all happened and the things you say when you really don’t know what to say.
The gravity of what I have seen does not sink until the next day and even then I don’t think I have felt the extent of what is happening. To understand the sights, the smells, the sounds, the emotions and everything that went on is not fathomable.
I will never forget Charles. I will never forget what his voice sounded like. I will never forget what his handshake felt like.

The next memorial there are children outside playing this make me feel a bit more happy to see kids faces. There are 4 building and we are told we will tour 3-the church, the kitchen and the Sunday school room. This memorial I recognize from pictures because of the clothes hanging from the ceiling and a blue trunk. The memrorial has lots of the clothes piled on the pews, hanging from the walls and from the ceiling. The back of the church houses a shelf from floor to ceiling of bones. The guide tells us the horrors of what has happened there. I believe she was also a survivor but I think I was so taking in the 1st memorial that I did not connect with this guide.
In the front of the church there are shelves floor to ceiling of personal items, burnt mattresses, and coffins. In the blue trunk there are identification cards of a handful of the 40,000 that died there on April 15, 1994. we continue to the kitchen which only consists of 2 walls and everything else is burnt. There is a recognizable piece of burnt mattress and human hair in the dirt. Some people at this massacre will killed by being tied to mattresses and burned alive.
The next building is the Sunday school house. As you walk in it is small empty clean. There are cement pews built into the cement floor you scan the room looking straight ahead and then turn to your left and it is the most shocking thing I think I have ever scene. There is a stain on the wall about 3 feet by 3 feet. It is gooey looking and dark red/black. It is obvious what this is and you freeze. A lump develops in your throat and your stomach turns and you stare. As you stare at it you notice there are parts of the bricks that are worn and broken. And you question how many children were hit up against that wall to create a brick to wear or break.

As we leave the memorial there a 3 or 4 boys outside…I had made lots of friendship bracelets to give to the kids. I take out my bracelets and hand them to the boys and within seconds there are kids running toward us in every direction. It was amazing. Karen gave the kids mints. Stephanie gave one of the kids a pen. One girl in particular touched me. She was so beautiful and so in awe as I put the bracelet around her wrist. It was so absolutely rewarding.

I have so many more stories to tell you but this is the one I needed to get out now. As I typed it I had to put it in the you perspective instead of the I. I selfishly wanted to protect myself from feeling my sadness and confusion of what I saw yesterday. It did not stop me from crying all over or thinking of new questions or wishing I had hugged charles or so many things I wish I had done.
BTW I will most likely need to revisit my thoughts and emotions on some of these events so you will be hearing more of this particular day.

The flight

it took me over 30hours to get here...considering all the connections i am surprised i didn't miss one. the flight was fine except 2 what i consider major things...
1st the flight from amsterdam to narobi is 9 hours....i have already been on a plane for around 13 hours so i am a bit tired.
I have it planned that i will sleep on this leg of the trip...well, i was so wrong.
i had the end seat and the middle guy was so large that he could not put down the arm rests. i realize we all have out issues....but i paid good money for an entire seat! why is he almost 3 seats if he only paid for one? The guy was really nice and all but come on! 9 hours of this...can you please move your shoulder, can you please move your arm, please move your leg (i couldn't get my tray all the way down because his legs were so big and interfered with my tray! i was incredibly patient with it but i will be writing a letter to klm.
get as mad as you want but it should be a LAW that if you can't fit into the seat buy a 2nd seat!!!!

then i finally get into kigali after a delayed flight nairobi...and da da daaaaahhhhhh
customs isn't going to let me in with my donations....WWWWHHAAAATTTTT??? really it is 230 am kigali time and you aren't going to let me through.
apparantly i need invoices for all the items -- didn't have any. so after awile came up with if i could find the receipt in my email would they use that? Yes...but i could not find the email.....Ugghhhh, so sat around talking to the 3 customs guys for awhile about michael jackson because one was surfing the net reading about michael jackson...really having no idea what i could do...and then it happened! HOw about use my blog to prove to them I am not going to sell the items. GENIUS!!! by that time i had been proposed to twice so i was really thinking i had a good chance on getting the officer to let the items pass...he printed the entire blog and said ok i will let you pass.

AAAhhhhh it felt great to be here...had some tea with my mind just went blank...i have forgotten everyone's name...ummmmm, anyway had tea unpacked heard a dog bark, didn't see a single mosquito, took a bit of a shower but the water was so cold i only got to one arm and wetting down my hair. slept for a bout 3-4 hours and got up to with justus, program director, to pick up one of the other volunteers....so i need a good night rest tonight

my room is lovely and i am feeling very well and happy here in rwanda......tomorrow i will write about what we did today but for now i need to go and eat and then off to bed for some real sleep

It's time...

Thank you to Elwood Bryant and Chris Miller for their donations.

The time has finally come...I leave tomorrow!

I have 2 HUGE suitcases full of donations. I am really hoping they don't weigh over the limit. I have a carry on full of heather items, and a big "purse" of cameras, reading materials and snacks. Oh and of course my long flight socks to pull on when the plane overnight lights turn off.

Today went really fast. Now that I have crawled into bed and thought about it - the day is sort of a blur.

I am feeling calm and prepared. I can't think of anything I may have forgotten. I don't have any last minute cravings for food I won't be able to eat while I am gone. No nerves. I haven't felt any nervousness regarding this trip. It feels so right to me I can't think of anything to be nervous about. I am looking forward to learning, to the entire experience, and all of the unknown to see and touch and smell...well maybe not the smells. But really, nothing can smell as bad as Ano Nuevo Island - dead fish, seals, birds and the live gassy seals all of it basking in the sea salt humid air...

I usually don't start to feel the butterfly giddy excitement until I am at the airport or just before take off. I have no doubt tomorrow I will not be this calm and relaxed.

I am feeling a bit guilty for leaving the dogs for such a long time, so I am easing that by letting them both sleep on the bed tonight. Hobee is already running in his REM sleep. Oh and Hobee loved Stephanie, so I am feeling a lot better about the dog sitting situation. They will both be just fine :)



Quite a few of you have asked me Why Rwanda...I still haven't been able to organize my reasons enough to be able to blog about them. I have sat down quite a few times to try to express my feelings but I am not sure if I have writers block or if I just am not ready to put it all out there. This trip is so emotionally and spiritually important to me that maybe it is still too personal for me to share that part of it... I am looking forward to that point in the trip or maybe after the trip when I am able to grasp it and express myself.

What I can say is this is my biggest dream come true. I am feeling blessed and lucky to be able to be going to Rwanda at this stage of my life instead of having to wait until I retire. Everything in my life has led up to this...I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And one thing that resonates in my mind so often is something my friend, Mike Jennings, once said to me...We were having a conversation about why I didn't have a child or children of my own. He explained to me that my need to volunteer and help and learn about kids in less fortunate situations has enabled me to have so many children in my life...true they aren't "my own" but had I had my own I may not have been able to have the time to be a Big Sister with BBBS or to volunteer with Read To Me or to go on this trip and take what I have learned and hopefully help kids in a truly deserving country. Instead because of what I have been unable to do has enabled me to have more children in my life than I could have ever dreamed of.

I can only hope and pray and dream that I make a difference in their lives as they have in mine.

The kids aren't the only reason for this journey...but they are all an important part of what has led me to today.

Mike and I had this conversation the day I told him about my decision to go to Rwanda. And his response was so meaningful to me that I think about it a lot and it makes it all the more real that I have made the right decisions and have no regrets.

I will only be gone a few short weeks but I have no doubt these short few weeks will change my life, my way of thinking, so many different things about life. I realize not everyone gets why I want and need to do this. I know not everyone agrees with my decision to go or for a lot of my life decisions for that matter...but for me nothing could be so right. I wish I was going longer, but I also know and seem to believe I will go back. This is sort of just a test trip for me :)

I hope each of you get something out of this blog. I hope each of you keep in touch.

In no time at all

Thank You to Angela Daniels for her donation!

It is down to less than 2 weeks. I am still in the same mind frame - calm. I don't think it will change for another week or so. Which at that time it will change to pure excitement and chaos. I feel prepared now, but I also haven't really committed my organization to thought yet.
My malaria meds were changed to the doxycycline. I start taking them on the 28th and will continue to take them through end of September or maybe beginning of October, I forget. Because they are an antibiotic the nurse sent me to pick up acidopholis and monistat treatments to bring with - the joys of being female. I, of course, would rather be safe than sorry when traveling so I have no complaints.
Karen Overstake has so graciously offered to loan me her mosquito net - thank you, Karen!
Other than that, I continue to make my lists of what to pick up, what to pack, etc... My challenge in the last few days has been trying to find a particular book, Escaping North Korea by Mike Kim, I can't seem to find it anywhere around me. Should this surprise me? Probably not.
I went through my current unread library and found about 5 books to bring with me. Of course, this may change between now and the time I leave.

Fundraising and stuff

My fundraising attempts are coming to a close. I raised $1,258.00 thus far. There are 3 or 4 people that are sending donations which should bring the total to around $1400.00. Considering the economy and the ups and downs of my fundraising learning process I am happy with result. I have no doubt that once I am back I will need to continue to find ways to collect donations for the kids and the schools.

As of today, I leave in 3 weeks. It is down to 3 weeks. I have started my get done before I leave to do list. I have started my need to get before I leave list and my packing list. The 2 major items I have yet to pick up are my mosquito net and my malaria pills. Found out my insurance will not cover the malaria pills because they are a preventative "option" instead of a treatment. Very logical from the insurance perspective. I think my definition of logical is different from the industries definition. But hey that happens, right?
So if I get malaria and am back in the US I am covered for treatment, but not any time before that. I had a prescription for Malarone but it will be over $1200 for those pills. Tomorrow I will get a new prescription for the "generic" malaria meds which will cost around $100. I think I will need to take them longer and the meds cause more side effects which should be a good time. I will keep you updated on that saga once I get the details.

The dogsitters are in order - thank you Lindsey, Chris and Betty. Really the dogsitting situation is my biggest worry. I am hoping the kids don't act up and cause issues for anyone. Diogie pretty much just sleeps all the time now. Now with Hobee I am wondering about all the different scenarios...

I am getting my summer allergy/cold/illness over with now. It's a relief because I really don't care for being congested while flying.

My Assignment

Kicukiro is a district (akarere) in Kigali Province, Rwanda. Its headquarters is the Kigali suburb of Kicukiro.

Kicukiro district is divided into 10 sectors (imirenge): Gahanga, Gatenga, Gikondo, Kagarama, Kanombe, Kicukiro, Kigarama, Masaka, Niboye and Nyarugunga.

Literacy Program Assignment

About: Teaching and literacy program involves working with schools at the ongoing school curriculum to improve the standards and performance of pupils. It is also in line with the current transition in the country of switching from Franco system to Anglo system hence therefore as a volunteer you will be required to teach English in line with other subjects of your choice.

Location: Gahanga 1&2 primary school located at Kicukiro.

Number of children. Each school comprises of around 1000 pupils with each class divided into streams of around 40-50 pupils per stream.

Volunteer work hours: a minimum of 4 hours per day, 5 days per week during the hours of 9am to 4pm, Monday to Friday.

Expectations of the project: your project will have its own expectations in regards to your volunteer responsibilities and duties, but you are also are expected to bring your own knowledge and skills with you and possess a positive outlook and a proactive style towards your work in order for your volunteer time to be successful.

Your first work task: in your first few days at your project organize to have a meeting with your project supervisor and the school head to elaborate on the program as well as familiarize yourself with the school environment.

Type of work available: assistant teaching as well as life skills vocational trainings depending on your abilities as a volunteer. Teaching will be in line with the existing school curriculum.

Project ideas: You are encouraged to practice a few French words as this will help you in the first days of your program. However, this is not compulsory.

Fundraising needs: Basic essentials: Books to set up a school library especially English, demonstration charts and sitting desks for pupils Please note, all donations must be given to FVA who will channel them appropriately

Other notes: The classes have many pupils (40-50) at any given session.